Last year was a difficult time in many ways; I had two nasty bits of depression and for the first time in my life I have had to stop everything that I am doing; my life consists of working three days a week at an easy job, and a counselling session.
A friend had a passage from God while we prayed together, 1 Kings 17, which describes God calling Elijah away from everything and he had to depend solely on God’s providence to survive. This brought me a lot of hope for God has often lead people into wilderness places – for different reasons – but always for a purpose. Whilst at my lowest, in November, I told God very simply that I had no energy at all with which to seek Him and that He would need to put anything He wanted me to see right in front of me so that I couldn’t miss it. He has been unbelievably true to that and since that time I have learnt, like a new language almost, the incredible-ness of listening to God. When you can’t really speak, choose or decide anything, you can just observe God intelligently. It seems to me that being ill has pulled me off the hamster wheel of running Church stuff, giving me the space, time and humility to listen to Him. What I think I have heard during this time has affected me so much that I would go as far to say that I am even grateful for the dark times, knowing that without being forced to stop and listen, I wouldn’t have at all.
The things that were not too long ago clear as a bell are now confusing me to the hilt and driving me mad and so I’m desperate for some dialogue on the stuff I’ve been thinking about.
Looking back at years of ‘ministry’ I see a number of things: I’ve had a lot of great experiences, I’ve learnt loads and couldn’t have asked for better times, I’ve seen God do stuff in loads of peoples lives (mostly in terms of Christian growth). Finally, and the thing that’s getting at me the most, In my 23 years of committed Church going and 7 or so years of direct ministry I’ve seen very few non-Christians find God.
I can’t express really the sudden bolt of lightning which has hit me and consumed me about that fact. What the heck is mission if it isn’t seeing people who don’t know God, come to know Him? I’m totally and utterly sold on the social action side of our faith – that the Christian mission addresses the needs of the whole person – but is the bottom line not that with Jesus life will work and without Him it won’t?! When I look at the account of Jesus in the gospels I see someone who was very focused on people finding ‘the way, the truth and the life’ not just helping them with their very real social issues. His mission was evangelistic (MUCH as I hate that word and connotations).
Anyway, part of my recovering from being ill has been getting counselling. I really wanted to resolve the reasons why I had begun to hit a trend of getting low/ depressed in a 6 monthly-ish cycle. We had a bit of a eureka moment last week when I saw a pattern: I’m in a ministry and working incredibly hard at it, in fact you could say it becomes part of who I am – such is my passion, time, dedication to it. Some time passes and questions begin to pester me, ‘why is this such hard work?’ ‘why is there so little fruit?’ etc. The questions get worse and become questions of myself and what on earth I’m doing killing myself for ministries that as a whole are not helping with the above problem of a lack of people finding Jesus. Those doubts end up leading to huge lows and to get myself out of the low I start a new ministry! The energy that comes with starting something new and exciting pulls me out of the low, makes life vibrant again and pushes the questions to the back of my mind… for sixth months.
This seems fairly true to reality, and I don’t think the pestering questions came from being run down etc. I think they may well be founded in truth – could they even be from God? I’m fairly tired of hearing Church explanations like ‘well we’re sowing the seed, someone else will reap it!’ I think that might be rubbish for a lot of the time! Why don’t we ever get to reap anyone else’s sowing!? Does it make sense to me that God would see us so deeply unfulfilled all our lives? Didn’t Jesus say ‘you will know them by their fruits’? I don’t think the disciples in Acts had this issue of sowing now and reaping later. I am particularly convinced also because over the last year one of the two main things I reckon God has been saying to me over and over again is “Helen, it really isn’t this hard”. And with reference to Acts 2 that makes complete sense,
“A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together constantly and shared everything they had. They sold their possessions and shared the proceeds with those in need. They worshipped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity – all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved.”
They weren’t running a ridiculous number of programmes, to try to sow seeds (and I do not accept that people are farther away from God now than they were then), they were living their faith as it came naturally to them. And this leads me on to the second main thing I think God has been saying to me over and over; that out faith is to be a natural outworking of ourselves, and our expression of our faith when we meet with other Christians (which is what we call church) is to come from a natural desire to worship together - then it is real. I do look back at years of Church attendance and see that my greatest experiences of genuine churching has occurred outside current Church, it has been shared with numerous people, doing different things in different areas of my life. Why were these experiences church when my Sunday slot is not? Because the churching was within my real context; my friends at different houses or even strangers meeting by chance but recognising that ‘the Spirit in us agreed with each other’ and we would worship as the situation saw fit. In these situations of genuine church fellowship and worship came naturally and it wasn’t the result of a lot of hard work.
Is it possible that we have Church the way we do because as human beings we like to have control and feel the security of knowing who is in charge and organising us? Is it in some ways a method of control because if we all have to meet on a Sunday or Wednesday night then we can see who’s not there – who’s slipping? Or that we can see that everyone is there and so feel better? If this is as largely affecting our belief in the current system then we are working if only in part in a highly defensive way. When I look at the gospels I see a faith based on Jesus that should never need protecting and keeping safe – it’s an amazing message!
In the Old Testament, God wanted to lead His people Himself, but the people mithered and mithered for a human King – like the other countries had Kings. In the end God gave them their wish and an element of human control was introduced, it didn’t do the people any good, but they may have felt a little more secure. So it was God’s intention to lead His people Himself, what if we have taken the control away from God? So determined to have flesh and blood leaders and an organisation that we can be proud of and comfortable with?
I was thinking about the parable of the lost sheep in these terms. Imagine 100 sheep and one goes missing and the shepherd leaves the 99 to go and look for the one (have we really grasped what that means!). Whilst the shepherd is away the sheep organise themselves into a well run organisation with different departments and programmes. They are very pleased with themselves and experience fulfilling and challenging lives as sheep, because of it. Then the shepherd returns and two catastrophic things happen. Firstly the returned sheep does not fit in with the rest of the flock; everyone has changed while he has been away, their language, priorities and way of life works in a way that he cannot comprehend. So even though he has returned he is alone and separate. Secondly the sheep are used to functioning so well without the shepherd now that they cease to hear his command or follow his guidance; the ideas that they have of working make much more sense and so they block out the voice of the shepherd and continue to run the flock themselves. Is this what has happened to Church?
I was preaching a Christ-dingle service at Christmas and it hit me (mid-sermon!) as I held up the Christ-dingle thing that we have a world, the blood of Jesus shed for it, the seasons and different gifts and Jesus the light of the world, but we do not have the institutionalised Church as the place from which the light of Jesus emanates to the world. In fact there is no symbol for the Church there at all.
Just for a minute I imagined life without the Church as it stands today. I saw a world full of hurting people who need God, and in the midst of them were Godly people who reflected Jesus. People who otherwise would have found themselves spending 80% of their week (busily but comfortably) running Church ‘outreach’ or ‘maintenance’ programmes had no church walls to hide behind. Discipleship courses which are often used to direct people into ‘Church ministries’ did not exist, the result? Passionate Christians as heads of department, teachers, journalists, politicians; pastors, preachers and missionaries in their own workplaces. Suddenly Christians are spending 80% of their week with people who need to hear what their lives say! And the true colours of what it is to live with Jesus are finally on show for all to see! It is not hard work in the same way as running a Church is, there is time to build relationships with people – to love and to experience and to show living!
And the best part is what happens to the body of Christ meeting together. Instead of turning up to a ‘Church’ for the Sunday morning / Wednesday night slot. Christians ‘do church’ whenever they see each other which is a joy because it comes naturally and instinctively; it is not the result of hard work. They go around to each others houses and eat together, pray together, share texts together in a way which flows from their experiences of real life. Some meet in coffee shops and restaurants and pray quietly but openly because it’s natural, some pop into the prayer room while out shopping… wherever they meet, God is there in a special way and they know it because the divide of ‘Church life’ and ‘normal life’ does not exist. They don’t pay for someone to pastorally care for the fellowship, the people do it and the money goes to the poor. They don’t pay for someone to teach them, organise services and direct programmes. Instead those who are gifted to teach go for training and teach, say in small house groups or even in community centres if a bigger place is needed for a course of teaching. Services do not need organising because what could be more natural than worshipping God in Spirit and truth together? And there are no programmes to run: those who are passionate to work with the poor can be empowered to do so as an outworking of their faith in the world; those who want to work with children can be empowered to do so as an outworking of their faith in the world, those who want to work with young people, old people, business people… whatever! Can still do so, empowered to do so as an outworking of their faith in the world; as a light to the world. There would be no dichotomy between being ‘spiritual’ at Church and Bible study but just ‘normal’ at work and home. As people lead fulfilled lives in and for society, their God given gifts and their faith is displayed to their colleagues and to their society who as of yet have not seen the light that we’ve so enthusiastically been pumping into out Church ministries.
Just for the sake of imagining… what if structured Church as we know it is a deceit. We’re working so hard so we must be doing right?! Why have I worked so hard for so many years and seen so few people come to know God for the first time? Why don’t I see miracles and take part in healings? Why does the world know nothing about Jesus Christ?
What if, to some extent, the Church has become an idol; something which should give glory to God but the way we do it, it only gives glory to ourselves. The thing that frightens me most and the thing that convinces me most strongly is my own fearful reaction to the possibility of going without the Church structure we currently have. I don’t want to go into the world, I like all the prayer meetings, the fellowship, the visions we have. I don’t like the idea of loosing control, of things not being organised by us, of not having control over peoples worship and teaching styles – of not knowing the outcome! I’m fulfilled, challenged and experiencing life… but, oh yes, Church as it stands is not working as a genuine fellowship and very few people are actually coming to know God.
Revelation 2:1-5,
“I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance. I know you don’t tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen from your first love! Turn back to me again and work as you did at first. If you don’t I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.”
Is it possible that we are trapped in a Church system which is ‘doing good’ but has lost its first love for God and for each other? That first love being the heart of genuine mission, genuine life, genuine church. Is it possible that some time ago God came, as He warned he would, and removed the lampstand of our Church system? Though an extreme view I don’t think this is impossible, I can’t remember who said it but the suggestion that ‘if the Holy Spirit removed Himself from our Churches, most of them would continue as before, perhaps without noticing’ is one that has been said many good books.
“That Christ is the centre of Christianity, that utter commitment to him and catching His mind and Spirit, and living His life constitute a Christian. This revelation has remarkable potentialities for the future religious history of the whole human race.”
The things that were not too long ago clear as a bell are now confusing me to the hilt and driving me mad and so I’m desperate for some dialogue on the stuff I’ve been thinking about.
Looking back at years of ‘ministry’ I see a number of things: I’ve had a lot of great experiences, I’ve learnt loads and couldn’t have asked for better times, I’ve seen God do stuff in loads of peoples lives (mostly in terms of Christian growth). Finally, and the thing that’s getting at me the most, In my 23 years of committed Church going and 7 or so years of direct ministry I’ve seen very few non-Christians find God.
I can’t express really the sudden bolt of lightning which has hit me and consumed me about that fact. What the heck is mission if it isn’t seeing people who don’t know God, come to know Him? I’m totally and utterly sold on the social action side of our faith – that the Christian mission addresses the needs of the whole person – but is the bottom line not that with Jesus life will work and without Him it won’t?! When I look at the account of Jesus in the gospels I see someone who was very focused on people finding ‘the way, the truth and the life’ not just helping them with their very real social issues. His mission was evangelistic (MUCH as I hate that word and connotations).
Anyway, part of my recovering from being ill has been getting counselling. I really wanted to resolve the reasons why I had begun to hit a trend of getting low/ depressed in a 6 monthly-ish cycle. We had a bit of a eureka moment last week when I saw a pattern: I’m in a ministry and working incredibly hard at it, in fact you could say it becomes part of who I am – such is my passion, time, dedication to it. Some time passes and questions begin to pester me, ‘why is this such hard work?’ ‘why is there so little fruit?’ etc. The questions get worse and become questions of myself and what on earth I’m doing killing myself for ministries that as a whole are not helping with the above problem of a lack of people finding Jesus. Those doubts end up leading to huge lows and to get myself out of the low I start a new ministry! The energy that comes with starting something new and exciting pulls me out of the low, makes life vibrant again and pushes the questions to the back of my mind… for sixth months.
This seems fairly true to reality, and I don’t think the pestering questions came from being run down etc. I think they may well be founded in truth – could they even be from God? I’m fairly tired of hearing Church explanations like ‘well we’re sowing the seed, someone else will reap it!’ I think that might be rubbish for a lot of the time! Why don’t we ever get to reap anyone else’s sowing!? Does it make sense to me that God would see us so deeply unfulfilled all our lives? Didn’t Jesus say ‘you will know them by their fruits’? I don’t think the disciples in Acts had this issue of sowing now and reaping later. I am particularly convinced also because over the last year one of the two main things I reckon God has been saying to me over and over again is “Helen, it really isn’t this hard”. And with reference to Acts 2 that makes complete sense,
“A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together constantly and shared everything they had. They sold their possessions and shared the proceeds with those in need. They worshipped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity – all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved.”
They weren’t running a ridiculous number of programmes, to try to sow seeds (and I do not accept that people are farther away from God now than they were then), they were living their faith as it came naturally to them. And this leads me on to the second main thing I think God has been saying to me over and over; that out faith is to be a natural outworking of ourselves, and our expression of our faith when we meet with other Christians (which is what we call church) is to come from a natural desire to worship together - then it is real. I do look back at years of Church attendance and see that my greatest experiences of genuine churching has occurred outside current Church, it has been shared with numerous people, doing different things in different areas of my life. Why were these experiences church when my Sunday slot is not? Because the churching was within my real context; my friends at different houses or even strangers meeting by chance but recognising that ‘the Spirit in us agreed with each other’ and we would worship as the situation saw fit. In these situations of genuine church fellowship and worship came naturally and it wasn’t the result of a lot of hard work.
Is it possible that we have Church the way we do because as human beings we like to have control and feel the security of knowing who is in charge and organising us? Is it in some ways a method of control because if we all have to meet on a Sunday or Wednesday night then we can see who’s not there – who’s slipping? Or that we can see that everyone is there and so feel better? If this is as largely affecting our belief in the current system then we are working if only in part in a highly defensive way. When I look at the gospels I see a faith based on Jesus that should never need protecting and keeping safe – it’s an amazing message!
In the Old Testament, God wanted to lead His people Himself, but the people mithered and mithered for a human King – like the other countries had Kings. In the end God gave them their wish and an element of human control was introduced, it didn’t do the people any good, but they may have felt a little more secure. So it was God’s intention to lead His people Himself, what if we have taken the control away from God? So determined to have flesh and blood leaders and an organisation that we can be proud of and comfortable with?
I was thinking about the parable of the lost sheep in these terms. Imagine 100 sheep and one goes missing and the shepherd leaves the 99 to go and look for the one (have we really grasped what that means!). Whilst the shepherd is away the sheep organise themselves into a well run organisation with different departments and programmes. They are very pleased with themselves and experience fulfilling and challenging lives as sheep, because of it. Then the shepherd returns and two catastrophic things happen. Firstly the returned sheep does not fit in with the rest of the flock; everyone has changed while he has been away, their language, priorities and way of life works in a way that he cannot comprehend. So even though he has returned he is alone and separate. Secondly the sheep are used to functioning so well without the shepherd now that they cease to hear his command or follow his guidance; the ideas that they have of working make much more sense and so they block out the voice of the shepherd and continue to run the flock themselves. Is this what has happened to Church?
I was preaching a Christ-dingle service at Christmas and it hit me (mid-sermon!) as I held up the Christ-dingle thing that we have a world, the blood of Jesus shed for it, the seasons and different gifts and Jesus the light of the world, but we do not have the institutionalised Church as the place from which the light of Jesus emanates to the world. In fact there is no symbol for the Church there at all.
Just for a minute I imagined life without the Church as it stands today. I saw a world full of hurting people who need God, and in the midst of them were Godly people who reflected Jesus. People who otherwise would have found themselves spending 80% of their week (busily but comfortably) running Church ‘outreach’ or ‘maintenance’ programmes had no church walls to hide behind. Discipleship courses which are often used to direct people into ‘Church ministries’ did not exist, the result? Passionate Christians as heads of department, teachers, journalists, politicians; pastors, preachers and missionaries in their own workplaces. Suddenly Christians are spending 80% of their week with people who need to hear what their lives say! And the true colours of what it is to live with Jesus are finally on show for all to see! It is not hard work in the same way as running a Church is, there is time to build relationships with people – to love and to experience and to show living!
And the best part is what happens to the body of Christ meeting together. Instead of turning up to a ‘Church’ for the Sunday morning / Wednesday night slot. Christians ‘do church’ whenever they see each other which is a joy because it comes naturally and instinctively; it is not the result of hard work. They go around to each others houses and eat together, pray together, share texts together in a way which flows from their experiences of real life. Some meet in coffee shops and restaurants and pray quietly but openly because it’s natural, some pop into the prayer room while out shopping… wherever they meet, God is there in a special way and they know it because the divide of ‘Church life’ and ‘normal life’ does not exist. They don’t pay for someone to pastorally care for the fellowship, the people do it and the money goes to the poor. They don’t pay for someone to teach them, organise services and direct programmes. Instead those who are gifted to teach go for training and teach, say in small house groups or even in community centres if a bigger place is needed for a course of teaching. Services do not need organising because what could be more natural than worshipping God in Spirit and truth together? And there are no programmes to run: those who are passionate to work with the poor can be empowered to do so as an outworking of their faith in the world; those who want to work with children can be empowered to do so as an outworking of their faith in the world, those who want to work with young people, old people, business people… whatever! Can still do so, empowered to do so as an outworking of their faith in the world; as a light to the world. There would be no dichotomy between being ‘spiritual’ at Church and Bible study but just ‘normal’ at work and home. As people lead fulfilled lives in and for society, their God given gifts and their faith is displayed to their colleagues and to their society who as of yet have not seen the light that we’ve so enthusiastically been pumping into out Church ministries.
Just for the sake of imagining… what if structured Church as we know it is a deceit. We’re working so hard so we must be doing right?! Why have I worked so hard for so many years and seen so few people come to know God for the first time? Why don’t I see miracles and take part in healings? Why does the world know nothing about Jesus Christ?
What if, to some extent, the Church has become an idol; something which should give glory to God but the way we do it, it only gives glory to ourselves. The thing that frightens me most and the thing that convinces me most strongly is my own fearful reaction to the possibility of going without the Church structure we currently have. I don’t want to go into the world, I like all the prayer meetings, the fellowship, the visions we have. I don’t like the idea of loosing control, of things not being organised by us, of not having control over peoples worship and teaching styles – of not knowing the outcome! I’m fulfilled, challenged and experiencing life… but, oh yes, Church as it stands is not working as a genuine fellowship and very few people are actually coming to know God.
Revelation 2:1-5,
“I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance. I know you don’t tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen from your first love! Turn back to me again and work as you did at first. If you don’t I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.”
Is it possible that we are trapped in a Church system which is ‘doing good’ but has lost its first love for God and for each other? That first love being the heart of genuine mission, genuine life, genuine church. Is it possible that some time ago God came, as He warned he would, and removed the lampstand of our Church system? Though an extreme view I don’t think this is impossible, I can’t remember who said it but the suggestion that ‘if the Holy Spirit removed Himself from our Churches, most of them would continue as before, perhaps without noticing’ is one that has been said many good books.
“That Christ is the centre of Christianity, that utter commitment to him and catching His mind and Spirit, and living His life constitute a Christian. This revelation has remarkable potentialities for the future religious history of the whole human race.”
E. Stanley Jones.
